- horoscope: aries enjoy breathing air and good food
- girl: yaaaaassss bitch thats me as hell
cool it comes with a free refill
whats up w/ grown men who look at all the evils of the modern world and go “the real enemy is teenage girls, with their duckface and their smartphones and their selfies and their boy bands. they are destroying culture”
If you don’t strategically eat your food so that the last bites to go in your mouth are the tastiest look at your choices
i was born in the right decade. the decade of the selfie and googling the answers to hard problems.
always apologize but never be sorry
"Billy where is your homework?"
"im sorry Ms. Klein my dog- *sees dog in the window make a throat cutting motion* -gone cat ate it”
WOMB THERE IT IS!